my version of something that might start you in the right direction
http://www.village-idiot.org/archives/2004/11/26/useless-stats-and-b2evolution/

edb's improvements on my code are somewhere. i checked his site, theres no search :< and I couldnt find it. That will get youre head spinning until ed pops in.

<?php 

if( !defined('DB_USER') ) die( 'Please, do not access this page directly.' );

$query = "SELECT SUM(post_wordcount) FROM $tableposts";
$post_word_total = $DB->get_var($query);
$post_word_total = number_format($post_word_total); ?>
<li><?php echo $post_word_total.' words'; ?></li>

That'll do a word count with the commas for where commas go in numbers. Save it as _blah.php in your skins/skinname folder then put

<ul>
<?php require( dirname(__FILE__).'/_blah.php'); ?>
</ul>

in your _main.php where you want your total word count showing up.

Thanks guys, I appreciate the help.