Short answer: doing it right was too heavy.

http://b2evolution.net/man/back-office-reference/managing-collections/post-views-counting

Is there any way to commission someone to create a widget/plugin that will allow us (running version b2evolution 5.2.2-stable on a virtual dedicated server) to bring back the post view count on our blogs? This was an important feature for our site analytics in terms of content and audience. Alternatives--like Google analytics--NOT the same. Would greatly appreciate any response and help.